She Who Hangs Out in Cemeteries

A slight fall breeze tempting trees to shed their leaves.  Specks of sunshine through gauzy layers of clouds.  The lure of juniper & cypress softly scenting the air.  Bits of branches and layers of freshly fallen leaves beneath our feet.  Wandering without direction yet with respect to the death below us.  What a beautiful morning to visit Oakwood Cemetery.

" Remember youth as you pass by,

   As you are now, so once was I,

   As I am now so you must be,

   Prepare for death and follow me."

 

~ Oakwood Cemetery Tombstone

in that moment - i'll smile

there are moments.  a glance up into the sky.  the way a certain person walks.  a memory.  just driving.  these moments just happen.  and the tears.  they fall.  all i can really say is i get it now.  i've never dealt with loss this close before.  and i understand.  life definitely goes on.  and you carry a part of those you've lost with you every day.  whether you realize it at that moment or not.  they are forever with you.  and right now it is all still so new.  so fresh.  raw.  when i have those moments my heart still aches.  my tears still fall.  but i've noticed.  that i will also smile sometimes too.  because although i miss my papa and my aunt more than my words will ever be able to express.  they make me smile.  even though i can't hold their hand or give them a hug.  i can give them a smile - and i know they are smiling too.

More smiles from some of my favorite friends.    The little rain cloud says "crap" underneath it.

and the red birds flew away

death. 

to be next to someone you love.  

someone you have cherished.

to watch their last breath.

it's hard.

i'm blessed.

i was with him.

the whole family was.

a room.

pulsing with life.

cloaked in sadness.

the room was filled with light.

two red birds perched nearby.

waiting.

prayers.  tears.  light.

and one last breath.

his pulse slowed.

there was no more breath.

yet still there was light.

and the red birds still waited.

slowly.

everything was bright.

the room was quiet.

his pulse stopped.

and the red birds flew away.

***

quiet.   moments.  light.  darkness.  heartache.  tears.  reflecting me.

Polaroid:  SX-70, px70 colorshade, expired edition

you'll be missed dear papa.