Intoxicating Good

So for some reason my anxiety has resurfaced.

Probably due to health stuff going on, but either way, it sucks.

I've gained some weight because I'm stressed.

I'm dealing with eczema on my face.

It hurts.

It's raw.

Itchy.

Red and blotchy.

Each day I head out and always feel like I'm not all there... or that I'd rather be home hiding...

Acupuncture is definitely helping.

So is the cicada allergy drops (so gross but it's helping!)

I adore my skin products from Marble & Milkweed - they make my skin feel almost normal again.

Normal.

As if there ever where a normal.

My normal just means I can feel pretty again.

It sounds so superficial.

But seriously.

When you don't feel good about yourself it's hard to be confident in anything you do.

I also don't know why it's so hard to just walk the dogs every day.

Or practice yoga...

I enjoy both of those activities but it has been so difficult to find the motivation.

So I'm taking super tiny baby steps.

One day at a time.

Today I took 10 minutes and enjoyed warm chai tea,

and admired the jasmine vines growing along the front fence.

The smell.

Intoxicating.

Slightly overcast, a little breeze.

The dogs barking at the construction workers across the alley.

I know I can get better.

I know I can be healthy (loose the pounds).

I just have to keep taking those baby steps.

Just had to write this all down.

On a lighter note.

I'm so happy I'm shooting film again.

It's definitely light in my darker moments.

Hoping to look back upon this post and smile.

And give this sad gal a big hug and say, 

"You've got this - just keep your chin up - your prayers daily - and cherish those moments - 

make ALL those moments count toward something real and something good."

*****